Your Wife & Your Lawn
By Allyn Paul,
Did you know that wives and lawns are one-in-the-same? I do because I’ve got an ex-wife, and ex-lawn; and a wonderful current wife and wonderful current lawn!
Let’s talk about the “ex’s” first
My ex lawn: when I got it, it was in horrible shape. It had never been cared for or fed or watered. It was riddled with weeds and flattened out.
Same with my ex wife! (no more needs to be said LOL)
I worked hard on my ex-lawn. I talked to it, cuddled it, watered it and nourished it until it was plump and prissy and the envy of the neighbors!
Same with my ex wife! (no more needs to be said LOL)
However, there came a time when I began to neglect my ex-lawn and it headed on the down-turn … fast! So I sold my ex-lawn and it has a new owner. My ex-lawn still looks terrible and got what it deserved. It’s old and weathered and in bad shape physically.
Same with my ex-wife … ‘nuff said! (It cost me a lot to get rid of her, lemme tell ya! LOL)
My current lawn: I love it. It is always beautiful and stands at attention when I walk by.
My current wife: I love her. She is always beautiful and gets down on her knees when I am around … she says, “Come out from under that bed and face me like a man you bum!” LOL
She takes no crap from me!
On the serious side, lawns are a lot like wives.
Generally speaking, your lawn will tell you when it needs your attention, but you have to pick up on the signs. If you have not fed and watered it properly, it will crunch and lay flat when you walk on it … it will take on a dull gray color that says, “If you don’t get me what I need quick, I’m gonna go dormant on you.”
Your (my) wife is the same way. She needs love and attention. She needs her feet rubbed at night before bed. She needs to know you care. If you, as the husband, don’t put in the time and effort required to make your marriage work, your wife will clam up and go “dormant” on you. You have to learn to pick up on the subtle hints too.
Just last week, my wife said, “I’m busy working, so the laundry is gonna get done on Tuesday instead of today, ok?”
I missed the sign that day. It was up to me to figure out that I should throw a couple loads in Sunday during the Bears game. I missed the hint and she went “dormant” on me for a couple days. It’s my fault, really…I know better! LOL
I know you’re thinking, “This sounds like some heavy, dripping, drivel, from a bad episode of the Dr. Phil Show,” …but it is true. Just ask a guy who has an ex-wife, ex-lawn and a current wife and current lawn!
